For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling a drawn towards rose quartz, heart opening practices, rose water, and the colors of shell pink and emerald green. I have been wondering if my heart chakra needed attention, and it was confirmed when I received a massage from the lovely Tara.
This was my first massage from her and, as she is someone who deals with people’s bodies and the energy that comes with them, she noticed that my chest is extremely tight. She said that she hasn’t seen a chest (the right side to be specific because I’m right handed) this tight in months. I asked her what that meant and she said that it was because I was holding something in my heart. She recognized that I am an empath and have a strong heart chakra and third eye chakra and suggested that I attend some Yoga Nidra classes and do some heart cleansing meditations to help.
What is my heart telling me?
I am definitely going to utilize what she said because I have experienced the benefits of certain types of meditation. However, I believe that those things will only help with the symptoms or with recovery. In order to really heal, I need to root out what is causing me pain. What am I holding on to? What needs to be released?
For those of you following, I am using the KonMari method of clear my home of excess things or things that do not bring me joy. As I’ve been sorting through my possessions, memories of the past have come to the forefront of my mind. Past experiences, past grief, and past hurt have weighed heavily on me.
I need to let go of past hurt and forgive others . . .
While I do think that some of my possessions are holding negative feelings, I believe that the largest issue I’m facing is that I have a hard time forgiving others and letting go of negative feelings towards them. I’ve struggled with this my whole life. When I was a child, I held grudges so tightly that I lost friends or forever hated certain adults. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I desperately need to release some of these negative feelings so I can heal. Part of that will be to get rid of possessions that harbor or remind me of the negative past, the other part will be to forgive.
Easier said than done . . .
The main problem with forgiving, at least for me, I feel like I am owed something. An apology, revenge, retribution, something. Otherwise, I feel imbalanced. I don’t take revenge on people (except maybe drinking my brother’s soda after he drank mine, but I digress), but I always hope for an apology. The problem with this is that people who hurt you either don’t know they hurt you. Or, if they do know they hurt you, they don’t care, or they don’t see anything wrong with what they’ve done.
Creating your own balance . . .
How does someone find the balance here? During my yoga teacher training, a meditation instructor said that when we do something wrong, we should do our best to remedy that wrong (apologize, replace a broken item, etc.) to create balance within ourselves and for that other person. However, when someone does you wrong, you have no control over what they do to remedy it, if at all. He suggested that when we are wronged with no retribution, to do service for someone else.
That doesn’t necessarily mean I have to do something nice for the person who hurt me (that is an excellent option, though), but doing something kind or charitable for someone else helps create that balance for you. You’re the one creating that equality in the universe through your actions.
Now that I’ve recognized what needs to be done, I have to make an action plan. I have a few ideas, but I’m not exactly sure. I most likely won’t share too much of what I do because I don’t want it to seem like I’m doing this for show, but if there is something that I find to be especially helpful I will let you know.
Wish me luck!