For those who have been following me, you know that I’ve been following the KonMari Method for organizing and discarding my belongings. Something I’ve noticed is that it’s hard to get rid of things that I bought because I was trying to be somebody else.
Like most of us, my teenage years were a developmental time. However, because I was severely bullied, I spent a lot of time and money trying to fit into some sort of clique. Now as an adult, I still struggle with that desire to be accepted, but I am much more self-aware and I’m starting not to care how people perceive me.
There were many personas I tried on during my teenage and younger adult life. A quirky drama kid, preppy smart kid, goth, tom-boy, all these things I did I enjoyed to a point, but it wasn’t fully me. I was limiting myself to one description. I was trying to find a character or a part of myself that would be liked by others. However, either other people found out that I wasn’t who they thought I was, or I would become depressed and eventually fade from the group.
That’s not to say that I lied about my name or identity, I would simply try to show interest in things that other people liked and in a way, morph into what they wanted me to be. Whether it be friends or boyfriends or close acquaintances, I did what I had to do to be accepted. I never committed any crimes for them or directly hurt anyone, I just lost myself.
Slowly, I’m uncovering who I am. I’m exploring the different facets of my personality that I hid for fear of rejection. I’ve promised myself, that I will no longer compromise who I am to please someone else.
I hope that as you go through your life, or your stuff if you’re decluttering, you find who you actually want to be, and start the journey to making yourself happy again.
Thank you for visiting me today.