Anxiety means that there you have a fear of something. Biologically, we all have fears. It’s what’s helped our species survive. Some fears are innate within the human race and some are developed within our culture. Things like fear of snakes, spiders, and heights have protected our ancestors from death several times before. Of course, some people feel dread when facing other things, and that is normal.
However, some fears are irrational and some people are so paralyzed by their trepidation that they can’t participate in everyday activities. In my case, social situations terrify me. It’s prevented me from reaching out to old friends, making new friends, finding new job opportunities, and connecting with extended family members.
One of the worst things about this social anxiety is that I know that I have a lot to give. Whether it’s to my friends, family, or to myself, because of my fear, I know that I’m being held back from what I could be.
There have been plenty of times when I have taken a step forward. I’ve participated in theater productions, speech and debate competitions, and public speaking. Even though I’ve loved participating in these events, it’s been extremely scary for me.
In the past few years, I feel like things have gotten worse. It’s gotten more difficult for me to deal with everyday social situations. I struggle with attending church, going to work, or even going to my yoga sessions. Of course, I attend things that I have to, but quite honestly, it’s getting harder. I feel constant unease and sometimes intense panic.
I feel that part of why I’m feeling more intensely is because I need to push myself a little harder. Perhaps I just need to get over some sort of hump in my mental illness.
In an effort to make some progress against my anxiety, I have some big plans in the works. It’s taken a while, and I finally got a few things done, but I’m really excited.
I know that’s extremely vague, but I hope that you’ll bear with me. I’m sure that it will be a little while longer, but I look forward to taking a bigger step towards my goals.
I know today’s post was more of a ramble, but I just needed to get it out. Thank you for bearing with me.